pretty girls poop.

: )

ay, fuck you.

The majority of us have fucked up parents. If your my peer is highly likely that at least 1 of your parents is a fuck up. They probably fucked up your life too. Whether through addiction, abuse, abandonment or all of the above. But guess what? That’s still your parent. Try as you might, you will not wake up tomorrow to another set of parents. It is not our duty as children to approve of the choices our parents make. Its not even our duty to love them through those choices. Our only job is to accept them for who/what they are and move the fuck on..with or without em. As we get older a lot of us choose to resent our parents for the pain they caused us as children, hate them, and refuse to acknowledge them. Trust me when I tell you that you only hurt yourself. Your own wings are shackled by your grudge and anger. You can never be free because you carry the weight of your past on your back. Let go. Accept your past, acknowledge the pain, and let go. My father did a lot of fucked up things durirng my childhood and really fucked me up mentally. But I am an adult now and its my responsibility to shape my adulthood, not his! He is who he is. He’s not going to change. Do I like it? No. Do I love him? Yeah. Do I expect anything from him? Not a bit. He is who he is, I accept it and I look forward to nothing else. I don’t have deep conversations with him, I don’t spend a lot of time with him. I don’t even call him Daddy. But I accept him and I have brief and casual conversation with him and I allow him to be in my presence. Why? Because if it makes him feel better about the person he was/is and if it helps him get through life..WHY NOT?! And being that I accept the person he is it makes it that much easier to not get hurt or angry when he fucks up yet again. Eh, that’s Pops for ya. Im still fucked up from my past but im molding my own future. Im the driver this go round and its up to me to make the best of this road trip, crazy and all. So do me a favor. Stop being angry. Stop holding on. Stop resenting. Let go. Accept. Forgive. Move forward. You don’t gotta allow em in your future, but please let go of the past. And hey..if nothing else..had they not been a fucked up you wouldn’t be who you are. So send em a thank you ; ) Unshackle your wings. Be free. Fly, baby, fly. Peace.

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ay, fuck you.

The majority of us have fucked up parents. If your my peer is highly likely that at least 1 of your parents is a fuck up. They probably fucked up your life too. Whether through addiction, abuse, abandonment or all of the above. But guess what? That’s still your parent. Try as you might, you will not wake up tomorrow to another set of parents. It is not our duty as children to approve of the choices our parents make. Its not even our duty to love them through those choices. Our only job is to accept them for who/what they are and move the fuck on..with or without em. As we get older a lot of us choose to resent our parents for the pain they caused us as children, hate them, and refuse to acknowledge them. Trust me when I tell you that you only hurt yourself. Your own wings are shackled by your grudge and anger. You can never be free because you carry the weight of your past on your back. Let go. Accept your past, acknowledge the pain, and let go. My father did a lot of fucked up things durirng my childhood and really fucked me up mentally. But I am an adult now and its my responsibility to shape my adulthood, not his! He is who he is. He’s not going to change. Do I like it? No. Do I love him? Yeah. Do I expect anything from him? Not a bit. He is who he is, I accept it and I look forward to nothing else. I don’t have deep conversations with him, I don’t spend a lot of time with him. I don’t even call him Daddy. But I accept him and I have brief and casual conversation with him and I allow him to be in my presence. Why? Because if it makes him feel better about the person he was/is and if it helps him get through life..WHY NOT?! And being that I accept the person he is it makes it that much easier to not get hurt or angry when he fucks up yet again. Eh, that’s Pops for ya. Im still fucked up from my past but im molding my own future. Im the driver this go round and its up to me to make the best of this road trip, crazy and all. So do me a favor. Stop being angry. Stop holding on. Stop resenting. Let go. Accept. Forgive. Move forward. You don’t gotta allow em in your future, but please let go of the past. And hey..if nothing else..had they not been a fucked up you wouldn’t be who you are. So send em a thank you ; ) Unshackle your wings. Be free. Fly, baby, fly. Peace.

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I know ima get this job tomorrow. So after I start working. If I waltz my ass on down to the lil macys optometry and don’t see a curly haired chick with big tits, glasses and a name tag that says CarmDizzle..im blowin that bitch up. Mydamnself!
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Broken Hearts Bleed Loudly

I’ve always thought of my sensitivity to be my biggest downfall. To feel every emotional pain in multiples of 10. To take every betrayal, small or big, as a personal attack. Lucky for me, I look good in tears…….or maybe its just a familiar face. My heart hurts. My mind aches. A lack of support, understanding, and true love is taking its toll on me. I feel the lava laden knives of judgement piercing my soul every time I turn around and the sensible voice in the back of my head begging for the freedom to make mistakes and be imperfect like my 21 year old youth is yearning to. But I can’t. Everyones watching. Waiting for me to fall on my face and bury myself in failure. And I gave in. Im resting on a cold concrete of complacent and unfulfilled. Child hood dreams lost and begging to be given some life, to live again, to flourish and grow to the lengths only me and my journals knew they’d grow to be. And im making everyone so proud of me…not being shit. This is all they wanted for me. But they’re still working strategically trynna keep me in my place. Every thought or spoken word interjected by a “but you can’t…” “but how are you gonna…” followed by a sarcastic “psh yeah okay” as if to say, even the simplest of goals, like returning to school is impossible for a fuck up like me. And I wonder what would happen if I tatted “fuck your doubts, lies, and watchful eyes” on my mind so every word I spoke or every dream I thought was followed by the reminder that they all wanna see me fial. Misery loves company. But im a loner. Find another playmate. I started to cry myself to sleep, thinking of all of this but my journal never lets me down and writing has always been my purest freedom. So I grabbed my hot fries, and one of my all time favorite movies “love jones” and just like that..this night is fixed. Peace. (Written in actual journal on jul 20th. 09) P.s. BITCH, get some business of your own. Get off my shit! You don’t know me. I write a portion of my thoughts on this blog and any other blog I have/had so trying to read anything deeper into them will be a fail.

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got stood up for my interview today! Whatevs. Keish says to recycle the fit on wednesday for my interview w| the porn company. heeey naked bitches!

got stood up for my interview today! Whatevs. Keish says to recycle the fit on wednesday for my interview w| the porn company. heeey naked bitches!

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creepy crawlers.

Decided to say fuck it and cheat on my blogspot. The bitch been changing anyway, she’s not the same anymore. I can’t update from my phone. Bitch puttin locks and shit on her shit, probably to get me to pay for some mobile blogging tool or something. Fuck that. I get even. So im creepin with tumblr for now, possibly forever. Lets see how much I like it this go ‘round.

Im considering keeping this little spot to myself. Not telling anyone. Im mad at the world but its nothing new. Feeling real naked knowin two-headed people know my personal business. But worse than feeling naked is feeling raped when you find out the person you done told every part of your deepest personal thoughts to for the past 5 years has begun to judge you and make their opinions of you public knowledge, without even telling YOU how they feel. Even after you’ve held all their thoughts, opinions, mistakes, etc. stored in your pocket like your great granddaddys old watch, handed down from generation to generation, protecting it with your life. But fuck it — nothings sacred anymore..not even the bond of a friendship and the conversations held in them. When it comes to the gain of popularity and a false sense of celebrity, all things are public knowledge.

Someone told me once that I do all the right things for all the wrong people. Touche.

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